Alone.

I am afraid, and of a lot of things might I just add. I’m scared of bugs, diseases, drowning… I believe my fear has taken a whole new high lately. Every time I’m alone it happens again. It kicks in like a reflex, to begin to worry and fear.

When I’m around others, I’m bubbly and spontaneous. I have high spirits when I’m at school; I’m fine. I’m talkative and laughing, and well, I’m all right.

When I get home it’s the other side of the story though. When I’m home, I’m alone most of the time. And being alone is one of the worst things for me. I use to say I was afraid of being alone, but I realized that I’m just human. Maybe I fear lonesome more than others, but I deal with it nonetheless. I’m a teenager, I’ll handle being alone at home just fine. It’s the lack of contact with the outside world when that 5:00 bell rings that gets to me. I come home, I sit my bags down. I’m still smiling for about an hour. And then the smile fades.

I don’t feel good anymore. I have headaches when I’m alone. I can hear my heart hammer in my ears, behind my eyes, in my temples. My stomach hurts, I have acid reflux. Is this causing all of my pain? Or is it my heart? My head hurts more. I lay down. I stare at the ceiling and my eyes begin to burn. I blink. I get up, pull out a sheet of homework. I look at it, but I can’t focus. I’m distracted by my own world of aches that appear with the passing time. I notice feelings, flaws and well the truth about myself that I couldn’t see before. I’m bloated, my nose is to big, my nails are broken, my fingers shake when I hold them still, I pop them too much, my toe aches, I might have broken it. My head hurts. My stomach aches.

I don’t take medications unless my head’s about to pop. What if I mix this and that, and a bad reaction occurs? Better question,

What if something happens? What if I get sick, what if I do have a bad reaction? Who’s going to save me?

 

I’m alone. 

I feel trapped.

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One Response to “Alone.”
  1. Mr WordPress says:

    Hi, this is a comment.
    To delete a comment, just log in, and view the posts’ comments, there you will have the option to edit or delete them.

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